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| At work today, some of the women in the circ room were listening to the Smiths. And it was pouring rain, the place looked like 9PM and it was wonderful.
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| Sweet fucking christ.
http://tivolikc.com/janusfilms.html
Wild Strawberries, The Seventh Seal, Smiles of a Summer Night, Viridiana, and the 400 motherfucking BLOWS! My favorite movie ever. And At the end of October, hopefully I will get to see it on the big screen holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit I fantasize about this. I'm not even kidding. I sit in my room, lie in my bed and think about sitting in a dark theater and watching the end of "The 400 Blows." I think about how it must feel to see the freeze-frame at the end, how it must hit you right in the guts. I just screamed a little. Oh my god. Oh mygodohmygodohmygod....shit, now I have to get work off...
Also: Headline news at CNN.com
Why Mary Kate Olsen Won't Smile
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| I live my life like I wasn't invited
Some days I just feel like retiring and spending the rest of my days in the Pacific Northwest. Just quit school and work in a library somewhere up there where I could see the ocean. Lots of fog and gray weather make you really, truly appreciate sunny days. Something you can't really do here. Where I could honestly be excited to wear shorts every once in a while instead of it being a habit/necessity like it has become here. I really don't like wearing shorts. I feel a bit traitorous. Traitorous to nothing, but still, I hate the way they look on me for the most part. I'm sure I could take more effort. My gray shoes don't really go with them at all but they're the most comfortable shoes I have. The only shirts that go with them are black, which in hot sunny weather, sort of goes against my ethic of trying not to sweat so much.
But it's hard not to sweat. Part of it might be hereditary, glandular, or whatever, but mostly I think it is because I am terribly out of shape. I read this short little article in Anthony Bourdain's latest book at Borders the other night, something where he wrote about "The Evildoers" in the fast food industry and after reading that I decided that I was going to eat healthier. He is a very persuasive man. I've sworn off chain fast food restaurants for good. I did this years ago, and I don't know why but I let it become a habit again. If I need fast food, I want to get it from somewhere locally owned like...Burrito King or Jade Garden. Granted, not the pinnacle or health, but at least I'm supporting people that might live in this town...or at least this state. A lot of ellipses in that sentence. No more snacking. "Do you really need that bag of chips on your coffee break? You probably aren't even enjoying them. Why not just save up for a big meal," or something like that. It made sense. Like I wish I had been reading that at work, eating a little bag of cheetos. The truth is, I don't enjoy eating cheetos during my breaks, nor do I enjoy eating Snickers bars. Truth be told, I don't really even like Snickers bars, it's just become a habit. No more candy in general. I'm a fiend, I know it, but I know I can quit eating so much candy. No more soda either. I did it once when I was sixteen, for about two years where I drank nothing but water, iced tea, coffee, lemonade, and the occasional root beer on special occasions (and then, only from glass bottles). It's not hard to do. It's incredibly easy.
It's one of those nights where I had to write something like this: "However, building this football complex with the
hopes of building a better football team is a gamble, and this complex in no
way assures the university that the football team will be any better once it is
completed. Perhaps the money would have been better spent on hiring better
recruiters or a better coaching staff…or a new head coach, for that matter,
because who knows how much money the University will have to spend when Mark
Mangino has a massive heart attack, given his corpulence" (thanks to Annie for the inspiration). And I start laughing because this school is such a colossal joke sometimes. I shouldn't have to be writing a paper where, for my argument, I chose to write about how the university essentially doesn't care about its students and only cares about making money. It's when I realize that that I want to move, go to another school or something but I have the sinking feeling that it's like this no matter where you go. Money hungry schools that have the audacity to charge you for every little thing. I have about 250 hours of internship experience under my belt that, if I got a signature for them, I could wipe out 5 credit hours. The problem is, I have a serious problem paying the university for them to give me these credit hours for free, even though they will have done absolutely nothing to earn my money.
I don't know why I complain about my job. I don't really do it vocally too much, but when I'm actually at work sometimes I just hate it. I'm almost always tired and now that Gideon and Leah are gone it's harder to slack off. It was in slacking off that I really learned to appreciate my job. Where I could recharge and go throw books on the shelves masterfully. The real problem, though, is that a couple months after I started I evolved. In all honesty, if I work really hard I can do twice as much work as your average page. There are a few exceptions, but man, some people are so slow and it makes me feel awful because we all get paid the same wage. So, instead of asking for a raise that I wouldn't get (times are tight), I have dumbed my job down, I have lowered my standards. Typically, I shelve the carts in sections. Each cart has four sections and after each section, I take a five minute break doing something trivial. Usually I check in DVDs (the desk staff's job but I like it) or put the DVDs away (which is a page duty, but I like that too...except on Sundays). Or I sit on the floor and read some book about the universe, or artists or cook books. Or I hide in a corner and work a crossword puzzle and I almost always take 30 minute breaks opposed to the 15 minute breaks that we are alloted. The problem is, I still do the average amount of work every day. I don't even know where I was going with this, I don't even hate my job. I just forget I have it sometimes.
It's just one of those nights where I want to move to the Pacific Northwest and live quietly for a while. A place where I can stay and not have to move every Summer. I've never been there, but it seems like the kind of place I would like. Anywhere from San Francisco on up and I'm game. Even Canada maybe. Who knows. I just want to wear my fucking fancy striped sweater again, and sweater weather seems so far away.
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| It's always nice when a Republican Senator resigns. Of course, Senators both Republican and Democrat are equally busted from time to time, but man, a Republican Senator soliciting sex in a bathroom? I find these kind of political scandals fascinating. You know, the kind where a self-hating gay man tries so hard to cover up his sexuality, even to the point of voting against Gay Rights laws, and finally gets busted on perversion. Not because he's gay, but for being a total fucking power tripping slut. He pry gets off on young boys  Check out homeboy's Wikipedia page long history of alleged Capitol Hill BJs and perverted sex acts with congressional pages.
This guy has Chickenhawk written all over him.
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| 1.) What I learned today: All students have to take two semesters of Western Civ because of the Holocaust, and I think there should be an option where a rational human being can test out (granted, I think there are about 40-50% of people in that class that would fail that test).
2.) I have cable for the first time in months. When we had it at my old place I rarely watched it but shit, there's a cable hookup in my room so, you know, before bed I turn it on and get really tired. So, here's a story. I come across VH1 and I stop because I see Justin Timberlake, and I see that the name of the song is "Love Stoned." And I remember reading that somewhere, or whatever so I watched the video and I can honestly say that it was the best out of the batch of four I just watched. It caused one of those things, you know, where you become isolated from popular music for a long time and when you finally encounter it again it's worse than you ever remember. "Rockstar" by Nickleback makes me want to pull out all of my hair, makes me want to scream at anyone who likes that song. But then whatever, I don't give a shit. Let some fucking douchebag who treats music like a commodity and thinks that Nickleback hasn't been making the exact same fucking song for god, however long they've been around, let them like that. Then Fergie, "Big Girls Don't Cry." I wish it was a cover so I could hate it more. But it's just lame, it just makes me want to puke my fucking guts out but not as much as the next one, oh no. Because this next one has to be the absolute worst song I have ever heard in my life. "Hey There Delilah" by Plain White Ts.
A brief history: I remember this band from when I was moderately into the roster on Fearless Records when I was sixteen or something and even then I thought they were boring. But this is so much worse than that. This is one of those bands that found the best way to sell out and they did it so hard it imploded into a fucking black hole. This song is a black hole. A big fucking stinky black hole that has swallowed my soul and goddamnit, now I have to go get it back. Is this what gets to be Number 1 on the pop charts these days? An F-List Bright Eyes knockoff with lyrics that sound like they were written by a fucking ten year old? I mean, I feel really bad for using that ten-year-old's-diary lyrics thing with Dashboard Confessional because fuck, I wished I was watching a Dashboard Confessional video when I was watching that "Hey Delilah" video. And I know, I know, why didn't I just turn it. Man, I just couldn't. This song brought total destruction about my person. I honestly cannot think of a song worse than this. Even the fucking Bon Jovi video playing in the background is 100,000 times better than that song.
Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes, you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true
The point is, I don't understand the concept of musical consumption. That is, taking in music like you would air or water, doing it without thinking. I mean, I'm sure it's always been around but I don't think it's ever been this bad.
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away, I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all
I guess it's one thing for music to be disposable, but it's another for music to be disposable and act as an alternative to disposable music. But I guess that's in the music of nature and honestly, at it's core music is really incorruptible because for every motherfucking evil song that is shat into the world someone is making something that no one has ever heard before. It just sets me off, I can't understand how this can be so popular but maybe musical quality is relative to the times. I mean, there's a certain amount of elitism boiled into this, and yeah, if people hear it and it moves them that's great...but it isn't because this song has no depth whatsoever, but then again, it isn't written anywhere that people have to have depth. People can be completely vapid and ignore the fact that this song is trite bullshit and it's not going to end the world and oh god whatever it's pointless. Anything and everything can be turned into a whore and I guess tonight I proved to myself that there is absolutely no reason for me to ever listen to clearchannel owned and operated radio (it's been a long time) or watch what is passing for music videos after 2am nowadays.
--From songmeanings.net
"This song describes the relationship between me and my boyfriend
perfectly. (And my username, Delariah.. I've been using this name for a
while, it's similar to Delilah.)
whats it like in new york city -i live near nyc
im a thousand miles away -my b/f lives about 1000 miles away...
someday ill pay the bills with this guitar -he plays the guitar
two more years and youll be done with school -i'll be out of high school in 3 years... close enough.
dont you worry about the distance
im right there if you get lonely
...
im by your side
-he said something like that once
My favorite line: our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
that none of them have felt this way
I agree with that whole heartidly.
I LOVE this song.. It makes me so happy. Everything about the song is amazing, not just the lyrics..."
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I adopted a cute lil' emo fetus
from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!
